Even on my worst day.

Today has been one of those days where you wonder how, as a Mother, you maintain a normal level of sanity day in and day out.  The boys were both especially whiny.  Stockton was extra rough with his baby brother and Logan just fussed and cried for no good reason.  Well, I am sure he had a reason, I just didnt know what the heck it was.  And to make matters worse, I was not in the best of moods.

Unrelated to the annoyances of the day, my cousin has been talking about coming to Idaho for a quick vacation. She called me today to talk about things to do here and dates that would be good to come and all of that fun stuff.  I don't know about you, but for some reason when I get on the phone it seems like all hell breaks loose and the boys think it is a red flag to run wild and do whatever they want.  This particular cousin has no shame admitting that she isn't a big fan of kids, in general, and has no desire to have children of her own.  After about the 3rd time yelling at Stockton to get off of his brother I joked that maybe she was on to something not having any kids.  After a few comments back and forth about the so called "joy" that comes with having children, we both agreed that is was good that she knew ahead of time that it was not something that she wanted to do, rather than regretting it after it was already too late.

I have been thinking about that brief part of our conversation all night.  I wish more women were smart enough to recognize that ahead of time, rather than just starting a family out of obligation, pressure, or stupidity.  After having children of my own, there are few things that make me more sad than thinking of children who aren't wanted, either before they were conceived or after they were born.  I seriously get sick to my stomach, want to throw up sad when I think about all the children who don't get the love and attention that they deserve because they aren't wanted.  I don't mean to say that if my cousin ever had children that she wouldn't be a great mother, or that she wouldn't love and want her children.  Our conversation merely reminded how much I WANT to be a Mother. How much I want to be Stockton and Logan's Mother.  Even on my worst day.