Self Re-Discovery

Its been almost a year since we moved to Idaho.  I know, can you believe it?  The year has had its share of ups and downs as anyone would expect after moving away from your family, having a second baby, and starting a new life in a new place.  Recently I have been reflecting a lot on these changes and trying to realize why, despite turning our lives upside down, I feel happier than I have been in a LONG time.  Two things in particular really got me thinking lately, one was a talk with my sister about how much I am growing to like Idaho and why, and the other was looking at a "friends" Facebook profile.

While my sister was visiting last week, she asked me how I felt about us moving and how things were going.  I was telling her that I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.  The word I kept coming back to over and over was that I just feel so FREE.  I just feel like I am more able to be myself here, but I couldn't really pinpoint specifically WHY.  That leads me to the Facebook profile...I was looking through my "friends" recent pictures they posted and everything about them was just so...perfect...a little too perfect.  Almost freaky perfect.  It got me thinking about how my life from the outside could never look like those pictures, not even if I tried my very hardest on my very best day.  Everything thing about them was beautiful, the way their house was decorated.  To say "the way their house was decorated" just scratches the surface, I mean every room was perfectly tidy with every inch meticulously decorated and themed, there were no dirty dishes or junk piles. The backyard was perfectly groomed with a fancy swing set and green grass. Everything down to the front porch pillows, that's right, even the front porch pillows whispered perfection.  The kids were perfectly groomed in every picture with coordinating clothes and equally coordinating accessories.  The mother was beautiful, skinny and perfect only months after having had a baby; perfect makeup and styled hair.  The photographs themselves were crystal clear and professional looking like they had been taken with one of those fancy $1000 cameras.  After looking through all of the pictures, instead of feeling bad about myself and a little jealous of their life like I would have in the past, I just felt exhausted.  And I just wondered what is her life really like?  How much time and energy and work does it take everyday for her life to be that perfect?  And, is having that perfection everyday what really makes her happy?  If it is, then that's great, really it is.  We should all do what brings us joy and makes us happy each day.  But that life is not it for me.  And I realized that moving to Idaho has helped me be OK with that.

I don't feel the pressure anymore to keep up on all the latest and greatest home decorating/crafting ideas and hobbies.  Like how to create the perfect Easter centerpiece for your table like so and so, how to make a wreath out of streamers like so and so, how to make cupcake wrappers like so and so, and blah blah blah.  The truth is, my house will never look like it does on "that blog", I don't have the desire or the money.  And guess what, I dont think my house is so out of style, it might not be hip, but its comfortable.

I don't feel the pressure anymore to make friends with a certain group in our ward or neighborhood.  The truth is, if I am myself, not trying to fit in, then my group of friends, the ones that really like me for me, will naturally form itself.  And guess what, thats exactly what has happened since I have been here.  I feel like I have met people that I will be great friends with for a long time.  People that I honestly feel like I can be myself around, not the Utahnized Arin, but just Arin.  And people that like us just as much as we like them, I think anyways.  Also, instead of hoping that "that group" will take me in, I have focused on trying to bring people together and have everyone be a part of the group.  In return, I have made friends with a broad range of people with lots of different interests.  They may not all turn out to be my go-to friends that I call on a moments notice, but they all have great things to offer and I enjoy being around them.

I don't feel the pressure to have a perfectly clean house and perfectly groomed children all the time.  The truth is, it doesnt matter how many times I mop my floor, its just going to be sticky and crumby again in a matter of minutes, sometimes even seconds.  So why stress out about it?  As long as my house isn't disgusting and its comfortable and welcoming, that's enough for me.  The truth is no matter how many times I wipe my boys' faces they are still going to have dried snot, chocolate, or their breakfast on it all day.  And anyone who knows Stockton knows that no matter how many times a day I comb his hair, it is still going to be stringy and frizzy.  The important thing to me is that they are happy and that they feel loved everyday by their parents.

I guess what I am getting at is it takes alot of time and effort to have a picture perfect life.  And it seems like in order to have everything be so perfect, something has to be sacrificed.  Whether its money, time, or meaningful relationships.  I would rather spend the day chasing Stockton around the house, hearing him learn to talk, watching Logan figure out how to crawl and get into everything, waste the day talking to Troy about everything and nothing, building meaningful friendships, going on a walk, or reading one of the many books on my list.  I don't want to spend all of my time making my life look perfect when all I am really doing is missing out on everything that actually makes it perfect.  So, Amy, to answer your question, moving to Idaho has helped me to do that and that is why I like it so much here.