Moving into the Terrible 3's

Stockton had a birthday a few weeks ago.  I still can't believe he is 3.  He just gets smarter and smarter everyday.  In fact, just today he interrupted a conversation between me and Logan about their new shark flip flops to correct me with, "Mom, stop. Sharks don't roar, they just bite."  Thanks, Stockton.  I guess I never thought of that before.  

At age 3, he is still my mellow, obedient, and somewhat OCD child.  However, his age has brought on a new spurt of temper tantrums and emotional meltdowns.  He is definitely learning to push his boundaries to see what he can and can't get away with.  Just last week I experienced my first public fit that warranted multiple Target employees and shoppers to offer their assistance to me.  I am sure it will be the first of many.  

I have been trying to keep a daily log of all the things he says throughout the day that are worth remembering, but rather than sharing a million of them I will just give a run down of the most noteworthy Stockton-isms that have come about in the last month or two...

-He no longer calls Logan, "Baby".  Now he is just Logan.  In fact when I was helping him say the prayer last week I prompted him to say, "Thank you for baby brother" and rather than repeating it, he said, "Thank you for Logan".  This makes me a little sad, I always thought it was so sweet to hear him call his brother "Baby".

-He has told me that I was pretty on a few different occasions now and also that I was his best friend.  And best of all, he has learned when I tell him I love him to say, "I love you, too, Mommy".  There really are no words to describe the joy it brings when I hear him say those things.

-He refers to everything in past tense as "last morning".

-He is so cautious and careful about everything.  If he even sees me get out the mop, he turns into the stay-out-of-the-kitchen police.  He also gets very concerned about "slipping on the ice" if we have to walk or drive in wet or snowy conditions.  And when I say concerned, I actually mean extremely paranoid.  Logan threw up in the floor one night and I swear he refused to walk in that spot of the floor for a week after watching me shampoo the carpet and telling him not to walk on it.

-When he wants a string cheese he says, "I want a cheese like this" and holds up his pointer finger.

-He is obsessed with the Jungle Book. If you pop into our house on any given day, chances are Stockton will be in his underwear  because he wants to "be Mowgli".  When he isn't.being Mowgli, he is crawling around the house on all fours being "Shere Kahn, the tiger".  

-He refers to Troy, as "My Dad".  Every morning when he wakes up he asks, "Mom, where's my Dad?"

-He tells me everyday that he will always be my baby.  Even when he is big like Daddy.

Here is his 3 year interview.  I couldn't find his sheet that I wrote it on and since it is already after midnight I will just fill it in with the answers I remember and finish it later.

1. What is your favorite color? blue
2. What is your favorite toy? My trains
3. What is your favorite fruit? Apple
4. What is your favorite tv show? Diego
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? 
6. What is your favorite outfit? clothes
7. What is your favorite game? Woody & Buzz game (Memory)
8. What is your favorite snack? 
9. What is your favorite animal? tiger
10. What is your favorite song? Daddy's song (b/c Troy always turns the radio up loud and dances)
11. What is your favorite book? Going on a Bear Hunt
12. Who is your best friend? Rhett
13. What is your favorite cereal? 
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? play
15. What is your favorite drink? Grape juice
16. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? my Paci and Blankie
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? "Eggs.  But I don't like peppers."
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? popcorn
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A train conductor.  (When I asked him this he said a "Ductor" and I thought he said Doctor so I was all proud writing it down and he said, "No, Mom.  A ductor on a train."  I think I was even more proud after that. :)

21.  When you hear the following words, what do you think of?

       Home- play

       Love- hug

       Brother- Logan

       Sad- Logan not being nice

       Scared- snakes and alligators

I sure am more in love with this boy every single day.  I don't want him to grow any more, but I sure am anxious to see who he grows up to be.  If it isn't something great, I will sure feel like a failure.  

Your opinions are being solicited

We have been pacifier free at our house  this week.  Logan weened himself off of his pacifier a couple of months ago by biting through all of them.  He didnt seem to mind one bit.  I guess he knew what he was doing.  Stockton on the other hand is a different story.

As some of you may remember, we weened him off of his pacifier around his 2nd birthday.  We cut a hole in it and he lost interest in it after only a few days.  Easy enough, right?  But then, The Nightmare happened.  I don't know if I ever blogged about it, but he had a horrible, horrible nightmare and every night going to bed was traumatic because he was so scared.  He was even terrified to sleep in our bed with us.  In fact, he preferred to stay in his own bed.  It happened before he was talking very well so it was hard to figure out exactly what he was afraid of.  Long story short, in an effort to help relax and soothe him at night, we gave the pacifier BACK to him.  Only this time with the stipulation that he could ONLY have it for naps and bedtime.  He understood that and has been great abiding by that rule.  It helped get us through the nightmare phase and that was the most important thing.

Lets fast forward to the present....I thought his 3rd birthday would be the perfect time to say goodbye to the pacifier because, well, he is 3 and he "shouldnt" still have it, right?  Leading up to his birthday I prepped him that he was going to have to throw it in the garbage can because 3 year olds are too big to suck on pacifiers.  I knew it was going to be an issue once it came down to it and it was.  Troy got him to throw it away on Monday and when bedtime came we had an episode and I ended up rocking him to sleep.  Tuesdays nap was a little difficult, but I let him sleep in my bed and that worked.  Last night was fine, but it took him quite awhile to fall asleep and resorted to the "Mom, I need_______" diversion tactic.  Today, no nap.  Here are my thoughts on the issue now that our plan is action.

1.  Hearing him cry so sadly and say, "Mommy, I don't want to be big Stockton, I want to stay little Stockton" just breaks my heart and makes me want to cry.  Is it weird that making him give up his pacifier means that he is, in fact, growing up and by letting him keep it I would be letting him stay "little" for just awhile longer????
2.  Does no pacifier mean the end to naps?  Because, if so, I will let him keep it until he is 18.
3.  What damage am I really causing him by letting him keep it?  Am I not allowing him to develop the skills necessary to "soothe himself" to sleep??  Is it really going to mess up his teeth?  I mean, seriously what kid doesn't "need" braces these days anyways???

Basically I just feel like if there are more good reasons to let him keep and it if it makes him happy, then why do I feel so much pressure to take it away from him?  What is it really actually hurting to let him suck on it when he goes to sleep?  Its not like he is going to show up to Kindergarten with a pacifier in his mouth.  Or am I just feeling like this because it is hard for me to see him sad about it and because I don't want to let go of "little" Stockton?

What do you guys think?  Have you, as parents, gone through a similar situation?

Random Ranting

I have been feeling a little unmotivated lately.  Well, pretty much hopeless, as a matter of fact.  I have been thinking alot about where I am in my life, the road that led me here, and where it is I really want to be.  Let me first clarify that I love my family.  I love them so much that it literally hurts sometimes.  I have a husband that, even though life and relationships are hard, I know we were supposed to end up on this journey together.  I have 2 boys that if I could freeze them in time and re-live the same day with them over and over again, I would be happy until the end of time.  But sometimes I feel like they are all I have.  Now, I know what you are thinking, "Of course you have so much more, you have a beautiful home, great friends, financial security, and the knowledge that you are a Beloved Daughter of Heavenly Father, blah, blah, blah...."  I can recognize all of these things and I get it that that should all be enough.  I should be happy that I have "won" this game of life that destiny set me up to fail at, but lately what I always considered to be a success has felt more like a failure.

I didn't grow up feeling like I had limitless potential to succeed in life.  Most of my adolescent life I felt like I would be a considered a success if I made it through my teenage years without getting pregnant, ending up addicted to drugs, and living in a trailer the rest of my life.  The guidance that I did receive from family influences, church leaders, and outside examples made me believe that my best route was to grow up, find a good guy, get married, have children, buy a nice house, make money, and live happily ever after.  I never realized that I could actually do whatever it is was that I WANTED to do.  I could join the Peace Corp and serve others all over the world for years before even thinking about getting married.  My husband and I could bypass getting a "good" job, buying a house, and joining the same rat race as the rest of the world and live all over the world for free on farming communities where we learn all the skills necessary to be self-sustaining while being enriched by the people we come in contact with.  I could go to school, learn about something I ENJOY, and actually get paid to do it!  The only thing I ever knew that I wanted to do and believed that I would actually be good at it was be a Mother.  I am doing that and I LOVE it, but I realize that there is so much more that I could be doing and so much about my life that I could change to make it my own dream come true.  I just feel like I am in too deep in this life that we have created for ourselves that doing what we actually WANT to be doing is just too hopeless.  Or maybe I am just not willing to give up who I am to become who I want to be and I just need someone to blame for that.  Maybe I should just be content with what I have achieved in life, do what I can to improve it, and teach my boys that they really can do whatever it is they want, they can be whoever they want to be and their success will be my success.  Hopefully if I can successfully teach them that message, that will fill up this nagging sense of failure inside of me.  Or maybe, one day, I will fill it up myself by discovering my place in the world, figuring out something I am actually good at it that will inspire or help those around me and that will make me feel content and valuable.  But not tomorrow.  Thursdays are floor cleaning days, I won't have time for anything else.

Happy Halloween (for my Mom)

My mom has been asking me to post some Halloween pictures for quite sometime so I thought I better do it before posting Christmas pictures gets here.  Our original plan for Halloween was this adorable sock monkey costume for Logan and we borrowed a dragon costume for Stockton.  However...

 ....due to a last minute Woody costume that my sister gave Stockton a few days before Halloween, we did a last minute switch over to this...

I didnt do a very good job of getting a picture of them together.  It turns out trying to get a picture of them at the end of the night when all they want to do is tear into their loot isn't the best timing.  Then you just end up with pictures like this.  (And these are the GOOD ones)

Here is Stockton and his buddies out Trick-or-Treating.  Is it just me, or does Stockton look tiny next to these two?  And he is the OLDEST of the group!

Family Pics 2011

I am sure all of my 10 readers have already seen our pics on Facebook, but I needed to document them since I just LOVE all of them so much!!  Here they are...

My 1 year old baby

 August 25, 2011

1 month old

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

6 months old

7 months old

8 months old

9 months old

10 months old

11 months old

1 year old

I can't believe Logan's first year is already over.  The more I tried to savor every minute of my baby boy, the faster it seemed to go.  When I close my eyes and think of Logan at 1 year old, these are the things I want to remember....

• His big toothy grin that he gives away so freely, especially when he knows he is being naughty.
• The way he puckers his lips and scrunches his eyes when he talks to you so seriously and says "Goog, goog".  And the way he points his little finger when he is trying to show you something he wants.
• Watching him run away smiling or laughing when he knows its time to get dressed, change his diaper, or go to bed.
• Having to pin him down on the floor with one of my legs so I can change his diaper since he doesn't understand the concept of holding still.
• His independent eating.  He doesnt like to be fed, he has to do things himself.  But since he hasn't mastered his spoon and fork yet, we have to get the food on it and put it down on the tray for him to pick up.  If you try and hand the fork directly to him, he wont take it.  He does that with alot of things.  He won't take things directly from my hand, I have to set it down in front of him and then he will pick it up.
• The way he has mastered the art of dodging you while trying to wipe his face or nose.  It is next to impossible to get his face cleaned, so don't jug me that it is always dirty!!
• The way he will come over and sit in mine or Troy's lap for a second while he is playing just to check in and then he goes right back to playing.
• The way he growls like a little Gremlin when he plays, mostly with his trucks or animals.
• His love for playing in the bathroom.  Whether it is climbing up the step stool and playing in the sink or taking advantage of us forgetting to close the toilet lid.
• His wispy/curly hair sticking out behind his ears.
• Him learning at such a young age how to antagonize his older brother.  Whether it is rough-housing or taking something of Stockton's and turning and running while Stockton chases him crying, he is already a pro.
• The way he waves bye-bye by just moving his wrist up and down.  It is especially cute when he randomly does it to strangers without being provoked.
• Him always having bruises on his head from either falling down or running into things b/c he is so top heavy with his big noggin. 
• The way he hits you with toys.  Even though he is a little stinker when he does it, the naughty grin that follows is just priceless.  It was especially funny when he beat Daddy up with the drumstick.
• The way he wont let us hold him to put him to sleep.  We just put him in his crib and he literally moves constantly until he falls asleep.  Sometimes, and I repeat, SOMETIMES, he will let us cuddle him a little before he put him in his crib.  This usually involves him being sweet, looking up at us and then sticking his fingers in our mouth and stabbing our gums with his razor sharp finger nails.  
• Putting us through 3 hours of torture every Sunday at church because he doesn't know how to be still for more than 3 seconds. 
• His chubby, little bow-legs and chunky butt. 
• The way he rests his head on my chest when I get him out of his bed in the morning.  
• His no-fear, do anything attitude.
• The way he backs down the driveway to the street grinning at me because he knows he is going to get in trouble.
• His long, think eyelashes and the color of his green eyes that are exactly like his Daddy's.
• The way he walks in place when he is throwing a fit and then plops himself down on the ground.
• And the way he will come and lay on you when you are in the floor with him to give you loves.

I don't ever want to forget the light that I have seen in him from the very first second I met him and I just don't ever want to forget the way I feel everyday when I get to see this face...

A new hobby????

I tried my hand at fondant cake decorating this weekend for my awesome friend, Sarah's, birthday.  She loves owls and I was inspired by a cake my friend at Audzipan Anthology made.  I am pretty proud of my first attempt and am anxious to do something fun for Logan's birthday in a couple of weeks.  What do you think??

Side note:  I made the fondant myself.  It was super easy and yummy!  Check out the Audzipan Anthology for the recipe I used.  :)

State of Denial

I haven't been able to believe that Logan's 1st birthday is just a couple weeks away until I took this picture of him today.  My baby goggles finally came off and I was able to see how grown up he actually is.  It makes my heart sad to think of him of a blossoming toddler instead of my precious baby.

(Don't you love the skid marks on his face and his goose egg/bruise on his forehead?  Typical Logan.)

His latest updates:

• He loves anything that has wheels that he can drive around and make car noises.  Seriously, if he even sees a picture of a car or truck, he starts with his growling sounds.
• He is learning how to work the sympathy system and show a little jealousy.  If Stockton is crying to me, he will run over and squeeze himself between us into my lap or he will immediately start crying and run over to be held.
• He is still in GO!GO!GO! mode at all times.  He has to be constantly moving and doing something.  He doesnt know the definition of sitting still.
• He is learning how to be a grumpy pants and has no problem showing his bad attitude at anytime of the day.
• He is becoming much more affectionate.  He likes it when I just sit in the floor while he plays so he can come over every 2 mintues, crawl in my lap, give me a hug, and sit there for about 30 seconds before he is back to business with his toys.
• He somehow already knows how to annoy his brother and is already learning to some self defense wrestling moves.  He will get on his hands with his butt in the air and ram into Stockton with his head.  I will admit, Stockton deserves it most of the time.
• He has mastered the art of running away from me laughing when he knows it is time to either get dressed or get his diaper changed.

His birthday is sure creeping up fast, I better get into gear planning something.  I know he doesnt really need a big party, but I feel like if I dont at least do something similar to what we did for Stockton's then I will be a horrible mother and will further damage his fragile ego as the 2nd child.  So if anyone has any ideas, let me know.  Also, if you know how to make a truck cake, send me some tips! :)